This was supposed to be the day. The day of happiness, the day of joy, the day I brought my baby boy home. Instead, it marks the day that Hank has lived in Glory for 11 weeks. I miss him so much.
I am so sorry for all that you and your husband have been through, Marsha. Your strength is truly amazing and inspiring...and I know baby Hank is smiling down on you. Thank you for sharing your story, as I cannot understand how difficult it must be.
Marsha, I just discovered your blog and I read all of your older post. I have been and will continue to pray for you and Nathan. I miss visiting with you and I'm excited to see you soon.
I also just found your blog today, and I am so overwhelmed by how you have shared your journey of grief that I could not sleep without responding. I wanted to apologize for not calling you sooner and talking to you in person. I feel I have let you down in that way, and I am truly sorry.
My heart has hurt for you this month as I thought how much you had been looking forward to your original due date. I do not know what it is like to say good-bye to your child, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing this now. Reading your posts I really connected with your feeling of guilt over living even though Hank did not. I have felt that way about my dad too, and last Sunday was the 8th anniversary of his death. I don't understand why certain things happen to people that we love. I admire your honesty and the way you are choosing to let Hank's life and death influence the way you look at life. It says a great deal about what God is doing in you that you want to continue to serve Him more effectively because of your short time with Hank.
From my experience with loss, it is true what you said in one post that you will never be better- it never feels good that they are gone. However, it is possible to start using those experiences with love and loss in a way that connects you to others, brings more meaning to the life you have, and carries hope along with the confusion and sadness. I turned to Psalms often when I had my toughest days and still look to this verse for encouragement:
Psalm 121
"I look up to the mountains-- does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth!
He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.
The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day nor the moon at night.
The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever."
This helped me realize that the presence of our Lord during our times of deepest suffering and questioning is truly one of the most powerful gifts to us. I hope it brings you a moment of comfort.
3 comments:
I am so sorry for all that you and your husband have been through, Marsha. Your strength is truly amazing and inspiring...and I know baby Hank is smiling down on you. Thank you for sharing your story, as I cannot understand how difficult it must be.
Marsha, I just discovered your blog and I read all of your older post. I have been and will continue to pray for you and Nathan. I miss visiting with you and I'm excited to see you soon.
Hi Marsha,
I also just found your blog today, and I am so overwhelmed by how you have shared your journey of grief that I could not sleep without responding. I wanted to apologize for not calling you sooner and talking to you in person. I feel I have let you down in that way, and I am truly sorry.
My heart has hurt for you this month as I thought how much you had been looking forward to your original due date. I do not know what it is like to say good-bye to your child, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing this now. Reading your posts I really connected with your feeling of guilt over living even though Hank did not. I have felt that way about my dad too, and last Sunday was the 8th anniversary of his death. I don't understand why certain things happen to people that we love. I admire your honesty and the way you are choosing to let Hank's life and death influence the way you look at life. It says a great deal about what God is doing in you that you want to continue to serve Him more effectively because of your short time with Hank.
From my experience with loss, it is true what you said in one post that you will never be better- it never feels good that they are gone. However, it is possible to start using those experiences with love and loss in a way that connects you to others, brings more meaning to the life you have, and carries hope along with the confusion and sadness. I turned to Psalms often when I had my toughest days and still look to this verse for encouragement:
Psalm 121
"I look up to the mountains-- does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth!
He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.
The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day nor the moon at night.
The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever."
This helped me realize that the presence of our Lord during our times of deepest suffering and questioning is truly one of the most powerful gifts to us. I hope it brings you a moment of comfort.
Much love,
Katie Wischkaemper
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