What was supposed to be

Before yesterday, I hadn't posted on my blog in a really long time. I had planned on blogging again when Hank was born. It was supposed to be a place to brag and show off pictures and talk about all the cute things he did. But now nothing is the way it was supposed to be. It never will be again. My heart will always hurt, and my family will never be complete. It will always be missing someone....forever. And that thought is absolutely overwhelming. To think that I will feel this pain and emptiness forever, it's just so exhausting and hopeless feeling. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I often find myself grieving for moments that should be happening in the future, but will not. So it's here that I've decided to try to deal, and to write my thoughts, my fears, my grief. If you continue to read, be warned many times, I will be sad....and so my posts will be sad. Read at your own risk, you may not want to know all you may read here. If you are close to me and you get your feelings hurt easy, you may not want to read because If you say something that hurts or offends me, you will likely see me talk about it here. So here starts my journey...my journey of grief and how I learn to deal.