I'm really not sure what it is about today that brought me here.... right back to those heart-pounding, stomach-dropping life changing hours when Hank suddenly went from doing so well to lifeless in my arms.
It makes my breath quicken and my stomach drop to think of that moment in time when we went from proud parents boasting of his latest accomplishments- to terrified. Then heartsick. Then dropping earth over his body.
That moment replays when I blurt out over the phone to my sister, "He's dying Nance. You have to come quick. You have to see him before he's gone. "
I don't like this kind of remembering.... The remembering that makes me sick to my stomach. The remembering that brings so many regrets and so many useless questions. The remembering that brings the fear of hurting that way again. The remembering that I wore my knees out to pray out of my life. This is the remembering that makes me thankful for the grace of God that my day in day out memories no longer consist of these, but of the softness of his skin, the cutest feet I've ever seen, those eyes looking right into mine...
And making new memories of his sister learning his name; recognizing him in pictures, calling him "Bubba", or "Hanky." Memories being made with our daughter, because we are intentional with
our time with her.... because we know we are so blessed to have it. Memories of the legacy that exists because of him, from his well in Uganda to the work I do to serve other hurting Mommas, to the youth building at our church named in his honor.....and most of all, of his parents seeking the Lord with renewed fervor, because we know the only Place we will hold him again.
Lord, thank you for your Grace in my life. Please continue pointing me back to it, reminding me of your goodness and your desire for me to see the BEAUTY IN THE ASHES and trust in your plan for my life.
I went to the most beautiful celebration of life today. A celebration of a life lived far to short. My friend Hillary had to say goodbye to her firstborn baby girl, Harley Jane, this afternoon.
As I drove down the dusty roads of the blue Goose Ranch thinking of my friend whose heart was aching, I could hardly see through the tears and the dust. That question that I've asked far too many times over the past 3 years kept coming to my lips, "Lord why does it have to be this way? Why does there have to be such suffering?" I had to keep reminding myself, you KNOW He makes beautiful things out of this dust. You've seen Him do it over and over again. And I KNOW that he will do it again, He WILL create beauty from the ashes of these broken hearts. But I know it still hurts. It hurts so bad, that ache of empty arms.... and I'm so sad that my friend has to feel that hurt.
Harley Jane Pitts
Down a dusty road and up on Harley's Hill,
Surrounded by Hay bales that were covered in quilts.
Loved ones gathered in numbers so large,
it inspired to see that she touched all their hearts.
Such Joy she brought in so little time, yet
Tears stung the eyes of those who gathered to sit.
She had a chin like her Father and the nose of her Mother,
she's the seventh generation of a heritage like no other.
She saw none of this world with her beautiful eyes,
instead they only know beauty and glory and light.
Sweet words were spoken of a beautiful daughter
while her Momma wept and leaned on her Father.
This child, so small we won't get to know
or learn all about her as we watch her grow.
A casket too beautiful to be covered by earth,
her soul was with Jesus before she'd even been birthed.
The flowers were perfect, the place so serene,
to be saying goodbye is so wrong it seems.
But everyone did it with tears in their eyes,
shaking their heads and wondering why.
This precious baby girl did not cry a day,
we don't understand so we bow and we pray.
We thank you Jesus for this life so sweet,
and look forward to the day we bow at your feet.
With Harley Jane in your arms and no more pain in our hearts.
Psalm 123:7
"Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him."
Thank you Lord for the beautiful gift of Harley Jane's life and the way she has touched the hearts of so many. Please comfort her family and bring them peace and rest from the exhausting grief.
