Maternity Pictures

       Just a week before Lorabelle was born, we took maternity pictures in San Angelo. I was so blessed to meet Jenny Wilde (of Sprinkle of Grace Photography) about a year and half ago. She was a friend and coworker of my sister. My sister asked her to be a part of her wedding and so I had the opportunity to get to know her through wedding showers, and bachelorette party. She is such a sweet, fun, creative, talented person and I'm so happy to have had the opportunity to get to know her! Jenny took our maternity pictures as a gift to us. What an amazing gift! She is so very talented and such a kind person. She was so sweet to us after Hank died and acts like she truly loves him. We took  few pictures with a picture of Hank, which was so very hard for me. It hurts so much that that is forever how our family pictures will look. And I cried and cried, and she handled it with such grace and such compassion and was still able to get a family picture despite my crying. Thank you Jenny for these amazing picture, I absolutely love them and you did such a good job telling Lorabelle's story through the pictures!

Here is the slideshow of the pictures. I love the song she used! I wanted to post the pictures and not just the slideshow so that I can have my blog printed as Lorabelle's baby book one day. Thank you Jenny.... you are so amazing!

Hank's Heaven Day

            I cannot believe it has been a year since I last held my baby boy. And what a year it has been.
I've had two children by c-section, recovered from HELLP syndrome, had a foot surgery, and got a blood clot. I laid to rest my firstborn son and my Grandmother. I worked, I got through another year of graduate school, we survived a year of firsts, and I cried....... a lot. We've mourned, we've celebrated, and we've remembered our firstborn. I've been encouraged by others who have lost children, and by those who haven't. I have been lifted up in prayer and often times carried through the day by my sister. I have been shown such amazing love from my family and friends who have chosen to remember Hank and talk about him, and celebrate his life. I got flowers from my Mom and Dad, my brother and his girlfriend, a blue balloon from my friend Cindy, and a card from Nathan's Dad for Hank's birthday. I got flowers from my sister for Hank's Heaven day. And tons of texts and comments on Facebook from people remembering my boy. Thank you Jesus for these sweet people who probably don't even know how sweet those gifts are to me. That has meant the world to me! I have made new friends, been surrounded by love from old ones, and have seen the hand of God at work in my life. I have held my beautiful newborn daughter and felt the incredible love of our Father through that gift. He is merciful!
           We have mourned deeply for our son, but we have also lived deeply and hoped deeply, and trusted fully in the Hope given to us by Jesus, that we will one day hold our son again. I look forward to that glorious day, and thank God for the opportunity to raise my daughter until that day comes. 

Happy one year in Heaven, baby. Momma loves you.

 

Through every step this year,  He has carried us.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -- kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power.  (1 Peter 1:3-5)

4th of July

Happy Independence Day Everyone!

Thank you to all who serve so that we are free to serve Him!

I pray that as we elect a Leader in November, that it will be a man of God, who is prayerful in his decisions regarding our country.

Hank's First Birthday

             I cannot believe it has already been one year since my precious little boy was born. It has been a bittersweet day today, celebrating his life, but missing him like crazy. I have such a strong desire to touch his soft skin and hold him again, and to kiss his sweet little lips. I had kind of been hoping that Lorabelle would get to share her birthday with him, but God knew better than me what I needed. He is merciful and gave me my beautiful baby girl to fill my arms on this day.
             I am thankful that she shares his eyes, and the shape of his nose. I am thankful that I can still feel his lips every time I kiss hers. I am thankful for the gift of both of their lives and they have shaped me so much this past year. Hank has inspired me to be more loving, to truly enjoy every moment we are given, and to long for Jesus like I never have before.

God is so good to give us a daughter who we can see little bits of our son in.

We took some balloons out to Hank's grave to send up to him.

It was really windy...

I told Nathan that those balloons floating so high made him seem really far away. Nathan reminded me that he's not, we can ask God to love on him for us any time.

And we sang Happy Birthday to him (as best we could through our tears), and prayed words of thanks for his life.


Thank you Lord for my children, they have so richly blessed my life. Thank you for getting us through this day, and allowing our hearts to celebrate and not just mourn. Though we still grieve, we are so thankful for Hank's life in Heaven!


Thank you to everyone who called, texted, sent flowers or a card to let us know you were thinking about our boy today. It truly means the world to us.


Happy birthday Hanky, momma sure misses you. I love you and I love that you're waiting on me in Heaven. Lord come quickly...

Lorabelle's Birth

               

                   It was so cool to see the Lord's hand at work in every aspect of Lorabelle's birth.  My nurse, Shelly was with me for Hank's delivery also. She usually doesn't work more than 2 days a week, but she happened to be working and taking care of me all 3 days I was in labor and delivery. She took such good care of me and talked about Hank and included him in our family. My friend Cindy so sweetly offered to take pictures of her birth. When we found out that it would be by c section, we didn't think that was going to happen. But, we asked and Shelly said as long as the anesthesiologist agrees. So when he came to talk to me that morning, we asked and he said yes! 
Cindy and Nathan got changed into their scrubs and hats and at a little after 8:30 in the morning on Saturday June 23, they wheeled me back to the operating room. Nathan and Cindy waited outside while I got hooked up to the monitors and got my spinal. They laid me back down and started prepping me for surgery. They kept testing to see if I was numb by rubbing alcohol on my stomach. It kept feeling cold so they tilted me back a little to see if they could get the spinal to work better. When Shelly cleaned my belly, I said it was cold and everyone was surprised that I could feel it.  So they asked if I could move my toes, and when I could, the anesthesiologist said, "That's not good." Yep,  not words you want to hear coming from the guy in charge of numbing you. They got me draped and said they would do a pinch test. I don't know what they were pinching my belly with, but it hurt! At that point, they said I was going to have to be put to sleep. I was so upset! The anesthesiologist said that the spinal fails less than 5 % of the time. I was thinking, am I ever going to get to experience the birth of one of children??
               The anesthesiologist and nurse anesthetist were both great to me, and said I know this isn't the way any of us wanted this to happen, but we are going to take good care of you and get you awake just as soon as you are done so you can hold her. I was so worried they wouldn't let Nathan in for the birth like with Hank because they were going to put me to sleep. They brought him in and told him that I would have to go to sleep but that he could come in after they got me to sleep. They sent him out and Shelly came over and grabbed my hand and said, " I know this is not at all the way you wanted to have her, but she is going to be here soon and we will have her in your arms as soon as you wake up, and this is still going to be a good experience." She held my hand as they put the mask on my face, put the medicine in my IV, and as I went to sleep with big tears rolling down my face. 
  Nathan was allowed back in and got to see as our daughter was pulled from me. Shelly even took a few pictures for us. The, they even let Cindy come in the room to take pictures as well. I am so thankful that they allowed her in the room to capture what I was unable to experience. Here are the photos Shelly took:

Nathan got to cut her cord short after she went to the nurse. Her Nurse's name was Kathy, and Kathy just happened to be the nurse taking care of Hank when he was delivered.

 Our chunky girl weighed in at 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 19 1/4 inches long

Oh, I love that chubby face!

             
                   Nathan went with Lorabelle to the Nursery to get her vitamin K shot and to warm up and assess her. Then, she came straight back to my labor and delivery room where they took me to recover. I woke up to her coming in to see me!
It was so amazing to meet her for the first time! She was awake and alert and looked me right in the eyes. She already knew me! Nathan handed her to me and I held her close while we stared at each other. She came out hungry!I was able to feed her right away, and she knew just what to do.  I will have to add these pictures when I get them.... they are amazing. 
             Lorabelle got to meet her Meme and Aunt Nancy first, and then she got to meet her PawPaw who she shared her birthday with. Then she came back to my chest and family and friends began coming in a few at a time to see her. I didn't give her up for quite a while though, so they just got to look at my beautiful girl. 
            Then, Nathan went back to the nursery with her to give her her first bath. I'm so glad he was the one to do it! Here he is washing her hair. 

 

 

              We stayed in the hospital for 2 days before getting to go home. We were so ready!!! Dr. Ogdee came by Monday morning to see me and couldn't believe I had her while he was gone. But he was just so happy for her to be here safe and sound! He said we could stay another another night and we said no way! So our nurse started getting everything ready for us to go home. Dr. Bullock also came by just to see me again and say congratulations. She was another person put in place by God for Lorabelle's delivery. She was so good to us and so supportive. She was encouraging at the beginning of the week when having a vaginal delivery was still the plan and that is hard to find in a doctor. When the specialist, Dr. Maberry started getting nervous and wanting me to deliver, Dr. Bullock agreed and said that since I wasn't dilated at all yet, she thought it was best to have a c section as well. And for her to come in on Saturday and do a non emergency surgery when she wasn't even on call, that is so, so nice. 
               We got our paperwork done, and took some pictures before heading home. 

 It felt so good to have her home! It was such a different trip home from the hospital than it was this time last year. Even with my heart being full of joy for this little girl and her homecoming, it was also heavy with missing Hank. That hurt has been even more intense as I hold my little girl and see that she has his eyes, and wish he was looking over my shoulder at her.

All that coming home business was hard work..... so then, we rested.

1 Samuel 1:27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
Thank you Lord for this most unbelievable, precious gift. May I not ever take her for granted. You are so gracious in giving us this gift and I am so thankful for my family of four.